Many of us are dealing with different types of loss right now, and will continue to in the future. Some are dealing with the death of a loved one. Some are working through a divorce, whether as husband and wife, children being impacted, or an outsider looking in. There are those of us who are dealing with feeling like someone has been ripped from our grasp. Suicide. Cancer. Drunk drivers. Life changes like kids growing up, parents retiring and moving on in their own lives, and dealing with aging parents and grandparents and all that comes with it. The common thread here for all of us is the standard of how ‘society’ has told us to deal with it – forgive and forget; spend a few days in it and then move on. People depend on you. Put your happy face on. While there is a time and place for everything, something is missing here:
It’s ok to spend some time in the middle.
Grieve for those you lost, absolutely. Work through the pain of having people you care for being taken from you in one way or another. Change is hard. But this place where we have to handle it and then everything is fine is a lie, plain and simple, because if we aren’t careful we’ll lose ourselves in the mix. You are allowed the right to be able to process events in your life without feeling the pressure of going directly from heart ache to happy within a given time frame. We have the chance to identify ourselves with something that is life changing and moving right past it will not allow you to reach your destination.
Whether you are actively finding a way to honor someone or fighting to find a new normal in the changes that we’ve all experienced, this time in the middle is where we are most uncomfortable. The most important thing I’ve learned over these last few years is that growth happens when we are uncomfortable, and it took going through this process with Jonah to understand that there is nothing wrong with life in the middle. The dark moments where we have to put up a wall are also the moments that make us who we are. So trust that your light will pull you through because it’s what is in your heart. Believe that when you can grasp the little moments and realize they were all big moments you will feel that freedom. Wind in your hair, blue skies above, sweet smells around you, and all because you allowed yourself the freedom to spend some time in the middle.